Thursday, October 8, 2009

Week 15 - Mean Girls- Oct 8th 2009

I confess I was a mean girl. I made fun of girls for their clothes, their hair, their make-up and it continued into high school. I was thin as a child, but due to a severe case of ADHD, I was socially awkward and picked on other kids to draw the attention away from me. In high school I was caught making fun of a girl who was pregnant. The poor girl was in the bathroom stall and I was at the sink with my friends. She came out in tears and I just stood there...looking her in the eyes. Three months later I was pregnant and my battle with weight began. The last 12 years I have been the target of judgment and sideways looks. Karma is a witch! I tried to make amends at my 10 year reunion but that was futile. I think some things are just unforgivable. I have changed dramatically over the years, but I wonder how many of my mean comments are remembered by a girl I no longer know.

My daughter is beautiful; she is physically fit and plays soccer. She has a great sense of humor and is a pleasure to be around. She came home upset because some girls at school had started some rumors about her. I used to think getting pregnant and fat was my punishment for being mean. Now…I can’t help but wonder if Karma isn’t genetic. Could part of my penance include watching my daughter endure the wrath of the new mean girl clique? I know it’s ridiculous. “Girls are mean” I tell her, but how many moms in the 90’s had to utter that same cliché to their daughters after one of my tongue lashings? I tell her to ignore them, knowing that will just fuel the fire. I tell her it doesn’t matter what those girls say, her real friends will love her no matter what, also knowing that a rumor can spread like cancer; causing even her closest friends to ponder the rumor’s legitimacy.

She has started to focus on her weight. She is 5’5” and weighs 114 pounds. She is thin by any calculation. She asked for her own TeamFitness membership and I see her sweating as she runs on the treadmill beside me. She is my biggest supporter and is full of encouragement, but it’s becoming apparent she is at the gym trying to lose weight. My words mean nothing to her. At 15, only the words of the mean girls matter.

I have to be honest, my first thought when she came home and told me about this was to drive over to Baskin-Robbins and talk about the situation over a hot fudge sundae. The ice cream was to make HER feel better, not me…right? Instead, we went to subway and shared a foot-long turkey on whole grain. We then went to Team Fitness and discussed healthy reasons for working out. I shared with her that a good cardio workout released endorphins and would elevate her mood after a bad day, kicking a bag will help her release pent up anger, and that silence on Xena (my elipticle machine) could clear her head and help her come up with good responses to use next time the mean girls came calling.

Today, she came home excited. The mean girl had started in on her in math class. My daughter confidently turned around, and in a voice loud enough for the whole class to hear, asked her “Did you practice that in the mirror? How long did it take you to come up with such a funny comment? Did everyone hear that? She asked if I bought my shoes at a thrift store because they are so ugly! Let’s all sit here and admire how funny she is!” She told me the class was laughing at the mean girl. Her teacher broke it up, but winked at her as she got the class settled down.
I am not sure what is more difficult, being a mom or losing weight, but the two share something in common- small victories. I know she will have bad days and someday her heart will be broken and I think the biggest victory I can achieve as a mom is my daughter sharing her day with me!

My Stats for the week:

Starting weight: 254 pounds
Previous weight: 220 pounds
Current weight: 220 pounds
Current Weight Loss: -0 pounds Grrrrr!!!!
Total weight loss: 34 pounds

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