Sunday, May 2, 2010

What If?

Nothing cures a good case of Writer’s Block like a trip to prison!

I should probably clarify that statement. My 17 year old son was sentenced to a year and two months to Juvenile Detention (JRA) in February for Burglary and Possession charges. He currently resides at Maple Lane JRA run by DSHS in Chehalis, WA. I drive down on the first Sunday of each month to visit him. The round trip takes about 6 and a half hours and it is exhausting. I’ve had people tell me that a visit is too good for him and if he treated his family better and followed the rules; he wouldn’t be in that situation. And I agree completely. If he didn’t start rebelling…if he chose the love of his family over the love of his friends…I can compile a whole list of “If’s.” I can justify not spending an entire day driving, just to get patted and wanded down and searched, then escorted to the visiting room filled with metal stools where we get exactly 120 minutes to reconnect with each other. But let me ask all those people who so freely give their advice to me and offer their opinions.

What if Joe Joe recovers from this life of rebellion? What if 120 minutes a month is enough to keep him engaged in his Drug and Alcohol treatment program? What if my visit on the first Sunday of the month helps him to practice his skills and be cooperative to staff so his visitation does not get revoked? Joe Joe has been in trouble with the law for years and has blown up literally every bridge in his life. I am the only person left in his life that will visit him. I refuse to give up on him and I refuse to give up hope.

As always, I have to relate this to my own battle with addiction. What if people gave up on me? I have probably quit the same amount of diets as my son has been arrested; somewhere around 17 each.

What if Cameron said “I’m sorry Lacie, you’ve been given too many chances and I don’t believe you will ever change.”
Or
“Lacie…you quit the last time you tried to write a blog and were fired from the Lake Stevens Journal and TeamFitness.”
But he didn’t say that to me, what he said was “You’ve never tried CrossFit”

Cameron believes in my ability to change, he continues to have hope, he encourages me, yells at me and sometimes wants to throw things at me…similar to me with my son. My son thanked me today for not giving up on him and talking to him clean and sober was a blessing to a mom right before Mother’s Day. I would like to do the same for Cameron.

Thank you Cameron for believing in my ability to change even when I screw up…that being said… I couldn’t write on Friday because I fell off the wagon and binged big time. We will discuss that at a later date. I am a bit nervous about my big weigh-in tomorrow.  

Change is a process…

5 comments:

Brandi said...

you my dear are an inspiration for us all, i miss you more then anything in this world! i lvoe you, stay strong!!!

Jessica said...

Wow! You don't give up on him because you are an amazing Mom and you don't give up on you because you are an amazing women! I don't admire another women I know more then you. You are strong, beautiful, intelligent, funny, and honest. You are the bestest friend I have ever had. :) That being said, "where is my bff charm" LOL No really, you are touching the lives of many of us and we love, appreciate, and adore you and what you write.

Anonymous said...

I have been trying to come up with a way to explain what you do for me. Trying to come up with a way of explaining how much I hang on every word. But I cannot find a brilliant way to word it so I will put it simply. You are amazing Lacie! Thank you!

Cameron said...

First off, how do u feel and how do your clothes fit? Weight is a number that does nothing for you! So calm down and relax. :-)
Second, I think you are putting a little too much pressure on your self for this blog. I like how you write and what you say about me and crossfit mainly cause its funny. So if you stress out about it i believe your writing will suffer. Breath, step back and chill, writers block happens and you can't always have the best post of your life. Believe me i know all to well especially because I am the most un literate person in the free world. :-) See you tonight.

LessLacie said...

Thanks For the comments! :)

Cameron, I re-read my post and I totally get what your saying. I know I put a lot of pressure on myself...thats part of the problem. I am trying to learn how to roll with the flow...

I blame it on birth order or something! :)

Thanks again everyone!