Monday, March 29, 2010

I'm back!

After nearly 5 months of hiding in my deep, dark depression place, I feel alive again! In the past five months I have separated from my husband, lost my beautiful home and moved into a dumpy apartment, lost my weekly article in The Lake Stevens Journal and sponsorship from TeamFitness. I gained 20 pounds, developed a drinking problem, broke my foot and isolated myself to the point where I have lost touch with dang near all my friends. My problem is not a newly developed problem. I have been battling compulsive binge eating, purging and food addiction for over 10 years. Name a diet, I have been on it, cheated on it and eventually failed it. All that has changed!

I just completed the program at the Moore Center for Eating Disorders and am ready to start incorporating fitness into my recovery from food addiction. I took a four week leave of absence from Boeing and I have been working on why I chose food as my coping mechanism. I have learned so much about myself. Clearly, diets alone do not work…we all know that. Most of the battle is internal and now that I understand the reasons why I eat, I can succeed at weight loss and be done with the yo-yo dieting that has become my life long routine. The work I have been doing at the Moore Center literally saved my life. The program was 10 hours a day for 4 long weeks. It was filled with nutrition education, individual therapy and several group therapies a day. I am now ready to tackle the damage my emotional eating has done to my physical body. I failed in my previous attempt with TeamFitness because I was secretly binging. I have been binge free for 21 days and sober for 4 weeks and I am feeling powerful. I am full of hope and I am ready to start again with CrossFit.

I am starting this blog at the very beginning of my recovery in hopes of sharing this journey with others who may be dealing with the same demons, maybe people who beat those demons, or those who are just interested in the train wreck that has become my life.

Cameron, the owner of CrossFit, has graciously agreed to kick me in the ass, to coach me and to mentor me on this journey. I was recently told by my sister that CrossFit is only for people who are already in shape. She told me it’s too hard for fat people. I know that Cameron and I can and will prove this misconception wrong. I have been paying for one gym membership or another for years. It was always the same, I was excited at first but I became bored quickly. I love the concept of CrossFit; to use my own body to heal the damage my addiction has caused, rather than spending hours alone on the cold and impersonal machines at a traditional gym.

I am excited and thrilled to join the CrossFit family and am eternally grateful for this incredible opportunity. I will be real and honest, and I am publicly announcing my intention to lose 77 pounds. Here we go…AGAIN!

My Current Stats:
Goal Weight: 150 Pounds
Starting Weight: 227 Pounds
Current Weight: 227 Pounds
Total Weight Change: -0 Pounds